Dark Lights

A large truck with double headlights followed me home tonight.

Two or three years ago my Ex, replaced my headlights with brighter ones. No complaint on my part as I could see more road and appreciated the gesture. However, driving after sundown is a hit or miss situation of which drivers my bright lights will offend. The flickering of their headlights as they approach and pass me is a clear indication.

"There is nothing I can do," I say to them with my mind. I'm sure all consider me a rude driver, and this embarrasses me. Tonight is the first time a driver turned around and followed me with high beams deliberately. For several residential blocks along Broadway, we traveled the same direction. At last the driver turned off the road just before the capital building. But, I saw the hesitation at the stop sign.

Headlights in the Dark

Thinking to myself, "Well, I guess they finally decided I've learned my lesson, they've gone their merry way." I did look back to get a better look - it appeared white or gray in color. This was when I began thinking of all the ways human interactions go wrong. Of all the encounters I've had with strangers that could have ended badly.  Typical fears crossed my mind: rape, murder, injury... I was reminded of the dangers of the world. I'm a woman, and all sorts of things go along with that. I shrug it off and continue towards my neighborhood. 

Turning on the main road towards home, guess who is driving up the way. *sigh* At the sight of my beautiful bright lights, the large truck with double headlights slows down and almost comes to a complete stop. Then hastily makes a turn - onto my street. Great.

I suppose I could have (should have) driven to the gas station and create distance, but instead turned and was now following it. The truck slowed down, then picked up speed, and slowed down again and quickly parked in an open space along my block just a few houses away from mine.

Safety protocols indicate NOT to drive home. Safety protocols also suggest making eye contact with your potential threat. So I did. I drove past and parked at home (I have a healing kitten to look after). I got out of my truck and made sure the large truck with the double high beam headlights saw me seeing it.

It's not the first time I've had to do that. Strangely the first time it happened, while walking Mick, on a snowy night - it too, was a white or gray truck. I'll admit to hiding behind a tree until I gathered my courage to cross the street, make eye contact and quickly walk back to my apartment.  

Not everything is dangerous to all. 

Yet, some dangers are unique to some.

Stay safe my friends. 

Right for You

“When the time is right you’ll know,” they say.

Right for what?

For whom?

As we look to our futures through the windows of our cars, corner offices, and living rooms. We are alone. No two experiences are alike. In a place full of people, all looking through the same pane of glass at the world outside, the experience is not the same. Perceptions are unique. Feelings over the observed landscape are unique. It’s the feeling that changes us. It’s the feeling that pulls us apart and divides us. It’s the feeling that brings us together.

Look around you. Are you with friends? Family? Maybe strangers at a coffee shop or library? The number of people you are surrounded by at any given time is the number of similarities and differences you’ll engage (should you choose to).

We all face challenges, course correcting moments and life-altering decisions. Our reasons* may be the same as the person next to us, but it is the motivation* behind what we do (or don’t do) that is unique.

When is the right time to follow your gut? Instinct? When is the right time to pay attention to your “spider senses?” The answer is every time it surfaces. Every time your body tells you the persons you are surrounded by is deceiving you, is dangerous, is unfaithful, and untrustworthy. Agreement or compliance from others is not a sign they will protect you, have your best interest, or even come to your aide.

It’s an overwhelming thought to consider we are alone walking alongside a loved one, a friend, or a confidant. Each choice we make is for our very own reasons. Even when others make the same decision you do, the motivation is different. There are pressures to comply, conform, and make others happy. There is pressure not to disappoint or appear insensitive or inconsiderate.

Image Source: TED How to Make Choices

Sometimes, going against the grain, moving against the current, is taking care of yourself for yourself and no one else. It’s best not to wait. It’s best not to put it off. It’s best to consider your feelings before others. It’s a form of selfishness that keeps you from self-destructing by losing yourself to the demands of others.


// *Do you agree with WikiDiff's comparison and contrast of reason and motivation?