Space Without

Off and on with space in between, I remember. Look more closely through windshields, I do. Look closer at resembling eyes, I do. Continue to look through the rearview mirror and reflections on windows, I do. Influential male figures, in my life today, are a blessing in that I can call upon them in spirit and listen to words I need to hear from a source I can trust. Those same words are muted if they come from me.

I lit a candle to honor interactions in which the whole of the world disappears. All sights. All sounds. Everything. Just serenity surrounds. The candle still burns almost 24-hours later. A sign that my time of self-reflection, healing, and renewal set in with the strength and resilience of bamboo. (It’s true. Look it up.)

The lens I use to see the fast-approaching horizon reveal openings into deep forests, open valleys, orchards, and blankets of flowers along the edge. Still, every part of me says to face His ghost. I’ve opened the box I left burning engulfed with blue flames. What remains refuses to turn to ash.

I met a man a few months back that offered a path leading to the defense of all that I am with force, clarity, and dignity. That first day, for an hour, His ghost floated around me. Those all too familiar khaki boots and dark blue button shirt flickered in the air. Every new movement intended to shatter His very core and extinguish His black light. An hour of His ghostly reflection is all I could take.

Avoidance haunts me now.


-- (c)deyanira.

Safe and Sound, by Capital Cities

I could lift you up
I could show you what you want to see
And take you where you want to be

You could be my luck
Even if the sky is falling down
I know that we'll be safe and sound
We're safe and sound

I could fill your cup
You know my river won't evaporate
This world we still appreciate

You could be my luck
Even in a hurricane of frowns
I know that we'll be safe and sound (safe and sound)
We're safe and sound (safe and sound)
We're safe and sound (Hold your ground)
We're safe and sound (safe and sound)

I could show you love
In a tidal wave of mystery
You'll still be standing next to me

You could be my luck
Even if we're six feet underground
I know that we'll be safe and sound
We're safe and sound

I could lift you up
I could show you what you want to see
And take you where you want to be

You could be my luck
Even if the sky is falling down
I know that we'll be safe and sound

I could lift you up
I could show you what you want to see
And take you where you want to be

You could be my luck
Even if the sky is falling down
I know that we'll be safe and sound
We're safe and sound
We're safe and sound
We're safe and sound

We're safe and sound (safe and sound)
We're safe and sound (safe and sound)
We're safe and sound (Hold your ground)
We're safe and sound (safe and sound) We're safe and sound

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Ryan Merchant / Sebu Simonian

Safe And Sound lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Head Lights

Infused with a fury

Of life long gone

She stands at the edge

Violets withering away

Oceans brim with life

Unsure if she'll stay

~

Still, she remains

Eyes lit ablaze

Holding her heart

Containing the flames

~

She writes in her head

She blinks, and it's gone

Away go the harps

Away go the songs

~

-- © deyanira.

"Withered Violets" - Andreea Istrate

A Perceptible Abstract

The pages of The Secret Speech begin with the imminent destruction of a church in Moscow. I don't yet know the context behind this. The first characters are apprehensive, conflicted, and have no way out of participating and witnessing the event. The crowds in the area have a different notion.

As I do when reading - I interrupted myself with thought.

I pictured scenes from the Ireland, Middle East, Africa, and Selma, Alabama. Destroying areas of worship has a far more profound reach than neighborhoods and business districts - not in the loss of life, but rather a deep loss of self. As for the human population goes - we can create more, and we can rebuild. But, sacred areas can never be restored. Sacred spaces are one of a kind. Original. They are like Tibetan Sand Mandalas, the minutes ticking by - all of which will never exist and be experienced again. No other human, nor sunrise or sunset will ever grace the walls - trees- sands and earth. It's a far more significant loss to the individual than it is to the whole of the group.

Well, that's enough ramblings for now. I return to page 5 and finish chapter one.

-- (c)deyanira.

Jesus on a Greyhound, Shelby Lynne

I was on my way to somewhere to the Mexicali sand
A man sat down beside me, he had scars upon his hands
He told me some stories - I told him some lies
Light shone through my darkness, cast shadows from my mind

His eyes they looked right through me
Oh I knew he carried weight
Something real was going down that day
Oh I told him I'm a sinner

He said that's o.k.
I'm not here to change you anyway
He was gone when I turned around
Was it Jesus - Jesus on a Greyhound

Oh we talked about the world gone bad
The troubles we had seen
We talked about the dirt
Brown shoes he wore on his feet

He said I'm tired and weary
I've been riding a long way
Let me rest my eyes now
Let me drift away

He acted Like he knew me
Then he fell asleep
I had no More secrets
I could keep

Oh I told him I'm a sinner
He said that's o.k.
I'm not here to change you anyway

He was gone when I turned around

Was it Jesus - Jesus on a Greyhound
And I'll rise again
Ain't no power on earth can keep me down

And I'll rise, I'll rise again
Oh ain't no death can keep me in the ground
Was that Jesus

Songwriters: Glen Ballard / Shelby Lynne

Jesus on a Greyhound lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., The Bicycle Music Company

Unearthed

Can't be afraid of who you are
Who sees
Who knows
You'll suffocate in the despair
Tucked away in a jar
Impossible to please
Easiest to grow
Steady
And, ready
Away from Him
Almost gone, the weeds are
Seeds planted, and life emerges
Breaking through
Breathing air
Clean and quiet

Can't be afraid of who I am
You see
You know
I no longer suffocate with despair
Almost, empty the jar

#unedited #writingsprint #unpolished

-- (c)deyanira.

Read All About It, Part III - Emeli Sande

You've got the words to change a nation
But you're biting your tongue
You've spent a life time stuck in silence
Afraid you'll say something wrong
If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?

So come on, come on
Come on, come on
You've got a heart as loud as lightning
So why let your voice be tamed?
Maybe we're a little different
There's no need to be ashamed
You've got the light to fight the shadows
So stop hiding it away
Come on, come on

I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream 'til the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it, oh
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh

At night we're waking up the neighbors
While we sing away the blues
Making sure that we're remembered, yeah
'Cause we all matter too
If the truth has been forbidden
Then we're breaking all the rules

So come on, come on
Come on, come on,
Let's get the TV and the radio
To play our tune again
It's 'bout time we got some airplay of our version of events
There's no need to be afraid
I will sing with you my friend
Come on, come on

Yeah, we're all wonderful, wonderful people

So when did we all get so fearful?
Now we're finally finding our voices
So take a chance, come help me sing this
Yeah, we're all wonderful, wonderful people
So when did we all get so fearful?
And now we're finally finding our voices
Just take a chance, come help me sing this

Fading, Not Fast Enough

He called. I didn't answer. He needs something from me. Looking out the window, an uneasy chill swells throughout my body reminding me I'm alive.

He's dissolving into the past, like this winter's melting snow. Except, he's still around like the iced over melt, every morning. I spent a few days looking over my shoulder. 

• Was he in town?
• Is he watching?

I forget my fear until reminded; and, I tremble. I'm the first one to ask, "Why did you stay?" At the time, it wasn't that I forgot he stole my breath one night. He insisted I not linger on the memory. The act. The betrayal and danger he's made of. Instead, he used a steady stream of wine and cheese, perfectly seared steaks, and episodes of 'Vikings' to convince me it didn't happen. His survival method is insidiously quiet and devastating. 

Writing helps as you know. I filter through the noise made up of emotions. I cleanse and purge the tar the memories of him are (and there are many). The words will pour out until the cauldron is empty. Sorry, friends. Who the hell is this for, anyway? Certainly, not for you. 

// Trainwreck by Banks

Hey
I heard it from the state
They told me you were never gonna let me get away
And if you tell me fiction, you will never get me back
I had to get away, I had to get away, ay, ay
Hey
You try to compensate
You thinking with your one brain, watch you decapitate
You show me all your letters and I should've confiscated
Put my eyes away, and I had to get away

Talking to ears that have been deaf for as long as I can remember
A self-medicated handicap so I speak to myself
And I try so hard to get his stupid deaf ears to hear
That have become illiterate, I've become dumb
Hey, hey, hey

When I'd come through
You were dark blue
And I saved you
From your darker days
Born to
Take care of you
Oh, I thought so
Baby, it was just a phase

Hey
I heard it from the state
They told me you were never gonna let me get away
And if you tell me fiction, you will never get me backI had to get away, I had to get away, I had to get away
Hey
You try to compensate
You thinking with your one brain, watch you decapitate
You show me all your letters and I should've confiscated
Put my eyes away, and I had to get away

Shut down by a guy I never wanted to kiss
Not gonna hear this singing of this ringing triumph thing
And I'm chugging along in a train
And I'm heading the wrong way, and I'm a trainwreck
And my heart goes beat, beat, beat to the music of this sad same song
It's quite depressing, there's no fixing to the problem
When you're talking to an idiot

When I'd come through
You were dark blue
And I saved you
From your darker days
Born to
Take care of you
Oh, I thought so
Baby, it was just a phase
Saving
Only made me
Just a dreamer
But I soon found out
That the traintracks
Were behind me
Tried to warn me
Oh, but my ears went out

When I'd come through
You were dark blue
And I saved you
From your darker days
Born to
Take care of you
Oh, I thought so
Baby, it was just a phase

Hey
I heard it from the state
They told me you were never gonna let me get away
And if you tell me fiction, you will never get me back
I had to get away, I had to get away, I had to get away
Hey
You try to compensate
You thinking with your one brain, watch you decapitate
You show me all your letters and I should've confiscated
Put my eyes away, and I had to get away

Songwriters: Dacoury Natche / Jesse Rogg / Aron Forbes / Jillian Banks / Tim Anderson

Trainwreck lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

Passing By

On a snow-covered street, I drive along passing snow-covered car after another. The neighborhood is quiet. Still. The SUV ahead of me slowly pulls off to the right side. I'm several car links behind. The vehicle stops as if to make a U-turn. I veer as far left as I can fully on the wrong side of the road. As I pass by, a man reaches out of his vehicles' window and proceeds to flip me the bird. So vehemently, I could see he really meant it when our eyes locked. His expression was one of anger. 

"Driving along in my automobile."

I wondered if he was gesturing to someone else on the other side of the road. I watched through the rearview the vehicle remained parked, for a bit then moved forward at a slow pace.  I pulled into my driveway, stayed in my car to watch him go by. The man honked his horn in a continuous tone until the end of the road. 

What happened to you, today?

Not Today

Sometimes, when they leave you they don't say why.

     Laughter is silenced.
     Trust fades.
     All the while lies swirl with the wind.
     Sometimes, opposing forces take a toll.
     But, mostly rumors get started by the jealous people.

When Good Things Happen, Bad Things Follow

To write through it is to face it.
I'm not so sure I'm doing that.
In fact, I don't look at it at all.
I won't acknowledge the view through the looking glass.

All my words are tainted with his violence and disregard.

No poem without sadness and shame exists.
No story without anger and fury can I write.

All I know is when good things happen, bad things follow. -- (c)deyanira.

Défi

Hello. It's been a while. How are you?

Snow has barely fallen. Ice remains. Little Louie grows livelier every day. He's a smart one with innocent eyes. A kind face and curious expression. 

I missed critical foundational moments early on. It's crucial, in the development of any species, to be present in the early days and weeks. You only have one chance to make your mark. After that, it's a bit of an uphill battle to gain back what you've lost. So, that is where I am with Louie.

It's nothing I can't handle or work with. However, I am complaining. The plan, I set out for Louie didn't happen. Complaining will not change that. Only accepting the challenge will. That is the lesson, friends. 

"Challenges" at Despair.com