Jelly Fish

Surrounded by two dogs, four chickens, one cat, three horses, and a hidden mouse, I sit in silence. Well, almost. My "thumbs up" curated playlist with a variety of musicians and sounds lulls the animals to sleep.

The dark cloud overhead is moving away despite the nested nightmares. Of us arguing, of me seeing the real you, of you in the kitchen cooking. She lays on the couch in stockings clicking away on an iPhone watching us. Faced with my knowledge of the truth you continue to fry bacon. Why are you in the kitchen? Why the hell am I there? And, can she please put on some pants. Does she even know all those you hide? You'll hurt her too. You know that better than I. Your cruelty has no limit, in what way did I insult offend you to receive what I did from you?

"Twin Flame" (2017) 

This dream is about accepting what I've known throughout. You too easily gave her up early on. You too easily agreed with my requests. You too easily said Yes to me. My mistake and only mistake is to trust you. If only I could take all that time back. All the energy and wasted emotion. I could then erase the tears and finally, finally scream. 

It weighs on me still, the nothing you turned out to be. An encrusted shell you surround yourself with glistens in the moonlight. The sun turned enemy shows off the zirconias and not the diamonds you pretend to hold. She's too young to know the difference. And, suddenly I understand the appeal. The need you have to not be seen. She doesn't know you like I do. A part of me hopes she never will. 

#SurvivedHim



// *By the Horns* by Julia Stone

Dreams and Snow Fall

The day began on the sidewalk. Standing under the powdered snow canopy of a mature tree I saw 3 deer poke their heads out from behind tall bushes. They eyed me but were far more interested in the small dog heading their way. The human handler almost made the mistake of following his dog. Glad he slowed down and waited for the deer to make their move. It's best not to frighten them by walking right into them.

Photo Credit: (c)deyanira.

Somewhere in the middle of the morning's deer sighting and rescue from leaving my keys hanging off the key rack, I found my smile. I can only laugh at myself for having to stand at the driveway for twenty minutes. I'm in good spirits these days waking from dreams never before had.

Not to everyone, but for some, remembered dreams illustrate parallels of waking life. I've written about mine before. Not just descriptions but discussing the odd connections and surprising insight. Food has made a reappearance. Nourishment. 

A typical food dream, for me, is walking the halls of grocery stores taking stock of the abundance of cheeses, fruit, and bags of potato chips. I don't eat any of it. I can't access it. At the register, the cart filled with food is left behind. I walk across parking lots empty-handed.  A common interpretation of the appearance of food is that consuming it is to nourish oneself. If you can't eat in your dream, you are unable to "take care" of yourself in the waking world. There is something in your life that you are unable to nourish, like your heart, mind, soul, body. 

Five days ago, I awoke having dreamed of stuffing so much food in my mouth that I couldn't chew! But, that didn't stop me from eating and eating and eating. First time ever. This is a big deal. This aligns perfectly with the state of things in my waking world. There is a sense of stability. Of groundedness. Direction. Calm. This is no coincidence, people. 

On this Wednesday, #WindowWednesday in some internet circles, I submit a photo taken within the last week. Nothing but raindrops to wash away all the burdens. There are enough drops for everyone. 

This day ends with a strange sense of accomplishment.